The paint colors that could destroy your marriage

It’s true that the colors we like reflect our individual perception and experience, says Duckett. There are also studies showing that men and women see colors differently because of the way our brains process details; For example, men see orange as redder than women, while grass appears more yellow to them. Furthermore, colors can evoke both positive and negative memories and reactions. That’s why we should try to be empathetic to the opinions of our housemates, Duckett adds.

Jessica Moray from North London, for example, found that the icy blue color her husband had insisted on for their bedroom made her so restless she couldn’t sleep. When he agreed to let her paint it hot pink again, her insomnia disappeared. Magnolia, the off-white color that was popular in the 1980s and is now making a comeback, is particularly divisive, according to interior designer Lucy Breton of Studio Breton, because it evokes childhood memories of smoke-stained living rooms. She subtly reminds her clients that they live in a shared home and must take each other’s preferences into account. “There’s no point in redesigning unless all parties are happy,” Duckett agrees.

While you would hope that hiring an interior designer or color consultant would make color selection easier, paint is so controversial that meetings often turn into consultation or mediation sessions, admits one interior designer, who prefers not to be named. “We are often involved in it,” she says. “They say, ‘My husband/wife won’t listen to me, but they will listen to you. Tell them that my color preference is the best possible outcome.'”

She doesn’t try to take sides and instead offers diplomatic, professional advice; Duckett’s approach is to work with her business partner, Sharon Duncan, to represent the interests of both parties: “We each take one under our wing and applaud them to help them find a partnership of color.”

Where you can find a color that pleases everyone

The easiest way to find a compromise is to settle for what interior designers call an “everywhere color” that is both calm and punchy. These are usually warm, neutral colors – which are currently trendy. Gray tones in particular are an excellent compromise, according to Shillingford, because they are flexible and can be combined with a wide variety of other colors and decoration styles.

To avoid discussions, she has developed a new ‘compromise palette’ of nine neutral colors for Dulux, including three gray shades, a white, three beige shades, a green and a blush. “These shades unite walls and woodwork with colorful furniture, art and decor – especially useful if you prefer a minimalist look, while your decorating enemy is more ‘cluttered,’” says Shillingford.

Meanwhile, Breton’s go-to color throughout is Farrow & Ball’s Dimity, a plaster color that she says works equally well in light and dark rooms, large or small, creating a warm base that feels considered. She also uses Whitening by Little Greene, a chalky white that matches deep blues and greens, while Lena Dahnjo, color consultant at Edward Bulmer Natural Paint, often suggests Clove as a compromise – an earthy blush, available in different strengths.

How to reach a compromise when you can’t agree

However, for some couples and roommates, the “compromise color” is not the answer. Either they can’t agree on it – according to Dulux research, 22 percent of color conflicts are beige-related – or they both hate their compromise. For example, the “safe green-gray neutral” Lang and her husband agreed on for their entryway turned out to be a slime color they both hated. “We clearly don’t work well together,” she says. “Within a year we had repainted it light gray, which I had chosen myself.”

It can work well to have one party play the role of color consultant and the other play the role of art and furniture stylist, Duckett says, or have each design different rooms. If one party insists on a certain eye-catching color, they will suggest that it be used in the downstairs toilet. “The toilet is a great bargaining chip. It is a place where all guests often come, so it is certainly not a turn-off. But it is also a funny, special, anything-goes space where you can let go of your partner or housemate, knowing that the door usually remains closed.”

Another useful tactic, according to Amanda Tapp of Edward Bulmer, is to keep the paint names hidden until you’ve agreed on the color. As with book covers, paint names can distract from the product itself, which is probably why Dulux chooses boring, scattered names for its compromise palette: White Cotton; Quiet dawn; Pebble coast.

Tapp says Lilac Pink is Edward Bulmer’s most divisive color because some people (including my husband) run when you suggest pink. “They think of pink as sugary, but as long as there is enough yellow in it, it can be a timeless and warm neutral shade, ranging from plaster pink to a warm beigeish brown. Lilac Pink is actually a warm neutral color that glows on the wall without being lilac or pink; if we show the couple the color without the name first, they always love it,” says Tapp.

In other cases, however, the name can work to your advantage, adds Milla Elder of Edward Bulmer; I’m sure the only reason I got away with painting my hallway pink is because my husband liked the name Cuisse de Nymphe Emue (thigh of an excited nymph).

If you can’t agree on paint and can’t make compromises, Shillingford recommends using Dulux’s visualiser app, which lets renovators project any paint color onto photos of their rooms, with suggestions for harmonizing color schemes. Edward Bulmer has a virtual color consultancy, as does Farrow & Ball. Or you can do what the pros do and put together a mood board for the room, including the paint color, your fabric choice, and floor and tile finishes.

This is what I decided to do to prove to my husband that he made the right choice by choosing my color, Buckingham Gardens, for our kitchen cabinets. To my shame, when I saw the paint next to all the other aspects of the kitchen, I immediately realized that he had been right all along. Cue, an awkward phone call to the furniture maker.